Up all night

I just got off an 8 hour unexpected grave yard shift. Before going to work I chowed down on two black bean burgers and popcorn. I thought I needed more energy since I was gonna be up all night with no sleep. Big mistake? I decided to weigh when I got home. I was up 4.4lbs from yesterday morning! Ouch. And yesterday morning I was up .4 from the day before. I gotta be more controlling of myself. Off I go to sleep now.
I wanted to share to absolutely delicious meal I made yesterday!

Day 4- good day

Today was good. Hopefully I am down 2 lbs tomorrow. I was down 1.6 this morning. I stayed strong at school and munched on my gum instead of helping myself to the bending machine. I ran out of peanut clusters and was knowing I was gonna eat everything in sight so I headed to the store and got more. I ended my day with watching "Soul Surfer". It was a pretty good movie. Now I need to get some sleep so I can wake up tomorrow and do my school work.

Day 3 - Very Rocky Day

Hello.
  So pretty much this day started very well.
and it ended kind of rocky.
I had tilapia with my lettuce, onion, and apple salad.
Then I went to a good-bye party, not thinking I was going to partake in the goodies.
   And then I saw something liked and I ate two.
Then they brought out a salad and some wraps...as well as artichokes.
   And I partook of them all, until I was stuffed.  I even had a some coconut bars that were to die for.
This wasn't just a little of stuff, no it kept eating and eating.  Until I knew I HAD TO LEAVE!!
  So I said my sad good-bye and home I came.  I decided that I could just skip dinner now, since it was 5pm anyway.
  So I did.  It's 11:15 and I am actually starting to get hungry.
So off to the kitchen I went to eat a yogurt and an apple.  Yogurts are not on my diet but I have about 6 left so I must take care of that.
Yesterday was a better day.  I worked all day and I had my food with me so I didn't cheat while at work.  Then in the evening I was hungry so I ate yogurt and crab.
Yesterday morning I was down 1.6lb!!!
And this morning I was down 2lbs.  I am still not down to my pre-loading weight but I am going to be there tomorrow morning. (Fingers crossed)
  I am still getting used to taking drops 3 times a day at set times.  I have to wake myself up at 7am to take them.  Good thing I don't have to wait 10 minutes like with with the other stuff.  I forgot this morning and took my first dose about 1pm.
I plan on using this bottle until it's all gone.  And then it will be summer and I can work out!!  YAY!
  So off I go to bed I go.

Day 1 - Rough Start

So this ends my day one.  Things went pretty well.  This is a new formula so I am not sure how the carob clusters will react to the HCG drops.  I ate my regular food today but again, in the evening I got the munchies and ate some crab that was not in my calorie intake.  We'll see how it goes.  I feel pretty full right now.  I was told to up 1 more drop if I get hungry so I am thinking I will do 6 drops tomorrow since I have to be at work all day.  Hopefully the scale will be nice to me.
This was my lunch today.

Green leaf lettuce with apples and onions.  Then I added the shrimp myself.  It was yummy and I have more.  So I will be taking that with me tomorrow as well as my tilapia with beets.  It's so yummy.  I will try to be more up to date on blogging this round.  I am trying to lose about 20 lbs in 3 weeks.  Who knows what will happen.  I was up to 279 this morning.  So that means I gained 4lbs on my loading days.  OUCH!  It's been over a year since I saw that number.
I am going home for 2 weeks in July and we are going to Six Flags then.  I want to be much skinnier so I can fit into the roller coasters when it comes time.  It's not so easy with my wide hips.  Plus it will be nice to not be the fat person someone has to sit next to on the plane.

Ending loading day 2

Tomorrow (Friday) I start my clean and healthy eating. That also means losing weight. Yay!
I was hoping to not eat more meat today but it was more practical and I ended up getting Sonic for lunch and Burger King for dinner. As well as finishing up the fried chicken from yesterday. I just had to get my large share of calories and it seemed to be the best solution since going to a buffet was really hurting my self esteem.
It's weird but I am so conscious now of when I get junk food. I always think about the people judging me as I go back for seconds and thirds and fourths. I am happy to know that my need to eat/binge isn't so strong that I don't care what I eat. I always go through the drive thru and I still feel awkward.
But those days are behind me. I stayed home all day mostly sitting on my bed. I had planned on catching up on all my tv shows all day, which I did, but also spent hours talking with my family on FaceTime. That is one of my favorite things about an iPhone. First my niece and sister who lives in Indiana and then after a short time called my mom and ended up talking to three of my sisters and two nieces. It was awesome that they were there. No matter how life goes family can always make it better. Sometimes I forget that. I should and will be more in contact with them. It is so much better with face time.
Now my stomach is hurting and I am sort of breaking out in sweat. I can't wait to detox from all this food. I will feel like a human being again. Good night. I am dreading the weigh in tomorrow.

I Remembered Why I Became A Vegetarian

8:14am

Wow, getting to sleep last night was horrible.  On top of eating tons of fried chicken I had drank about 2.5 16oz glasses of water right before bed.  And my stomach was going crazy.  I knew I wasn't going to throw up but I sure felt like it.  I hate this feeling.  And my body seemed to break out in sweats.  I was really uncomfortable.

  So I figured if today was going to go like yesterday I better take a day to myself.  I figured I was going to be miserable and exhausted.  I have to spend time with about 15-20 children at my school for my practicum experience.  So I decided to make up my hours and called in sick.  This is definitely the more practical thing to do.
  So today I will fight to stay sane and take a nap because I can when the need arises and I am sure it will.  I got two snickers from a vending machine last night and so I have to eat them some time during the day.  The book for the diet says to graze all day instead of eating three large meals.  So I will focus on that more.  Though I may go to Izzy's for dinner.  I am going to drop the meat I have been eating.  I ate so much yesterday.  I will only eat what I have left of the fried chicken.  Thanks to my room mate who ate some last night I don't have much left.  But I do have the mashed potatoes and cole slaw.  I also have a weird craving for an icecream shake.  I hear the Red Robin one is about 1200 calories so that would help with trying to consume all my 5000 calories.  So now I will do what ever I want.  I'll catch you up more later in the day.

More HCG

Hello people. Lots has changed since I last posted. You may be wondering about the title but let me talk about a couple days before that. I got back into making my chocolate/coconut/ banana shake. I did it two mornings and saw my stomach going back down. I also made grits that I have had for a while and wanted to use up. That picture came to a total of 680 calories!

I found this picture on a website.

It makes me so mad!!!!  1. a girl would not be smiling if she was running...2. i hate the bra the outfits.  Who goes running in just that?  It's not very modest either.  I just hate the whole model thing going on there.

I ordered this bracelet in the mail the other day.  YAY!!  Another self-motivation tool.

I'm loving it and I wear it every day.

     So yeah, like I said.  They stopped making the HCG with hormones so I decided to go back old school.  Then I was at a friends house and mentioned it.  She whips out this blue bottle and says she got this HCG from her doctor and it was like $400.  She couldn't use it because of her work she lost so much weight so fast and needed for energy.  So she just gave it to me.  OK, I think.  It would be good to lose more weight.  I decided yesterday to start this morning.  I wanna lose some more weight before Spring Conference anyway.  

With this HCG stuff you have to eat 5000 calories on the two loading days.  This was my breakfast.  This is not including the eggmuffin I got from McDonalds.  I wasn't able to eat these hashbrowns and curly fries.  They went to waste.

Well, when I was done eating this my energy depleted itself.  I slept until about 1pm with crazy dreams of someone walking around the house.  Could have something to do with my window being cracked open and my door was open, and my heart was racing and pumping hard.

      Yeah, the heart thing is really weird.  It was going nutso.  Since becoming a vegetarian, when I have cheated and eaten some meat, it has never been this much at once.  I had a sausage patty, ham, and corned pastrami.  I think they may have made my heart do what it was doing.  It was pumping so hard and I think it took all of my body's energy to do it.  Gosh, but it's the only way to get all my fat and calorie intake.  So yeah, My breathing was really weird too.  Short and fast but not like I had just gone running.  I remember when I was 16 someone said something about me breathing short breaths when I sleep.  Maybe the meat had something to do with it.

So then I got up for lunch and felt not so full enough to go eat lunch which I had planned on a chinese buffet that I had been craving for a couple of days now.  BIG bummer was that I was not really hungry.  I can't even enjoy my binging on these days.  It kind of grosses me out.  But I went.

     The minute I walked out the door and shut it I realized that I locked myself out of the house with the keys hanging on the hook right inside the door.  HUGE moment of panic!!!!!  I went over the landlord's side of the house and knocked but there was no answer.  OH NO!!!  Her car was there and I was pretty sure she was home.  I even tried calling her but no answer.  She is 9 months pregnant so I hate bothering her, thinking she might be taking a nap.  So I wondered around the house trying every way to get inside my part of duplex.  We are so good about locking everything so I wasn't successful.  I even texted my roommate wondering if there was any way she could rescue me.  And I thought I could text the former room mates to come bring me a key they still had.  Then I get a text from the landlord saying that she had just gotten out of the shower and she would be right over with a key.  YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Of course now I felt real stupid.  Because a week ago I lost our mailbox keys too and wondered if they had spare ones, but sadly I had to order more.  The reason I crossed out my panic moments was because there really was no reason for concern.

After stuffing my face as much as I could have I came home and again tried to work on homework but my brain and body were so tired.  I even tried to take some of my maximum velocity pills to boast my energy.  It didn't really work.  I wanted to get up and do things but my body wouldn't let me.  So I slept another hour until my class.  I put on sweat pants and a t-shirt which I hardly ever wear anymore.  I went to class with barely any energy.  I was so thirsty by that time.  I was exhausted the whole class.  It's supposed to be a 4 hour class but it ended an hour early.  So home I came and picked up KFC.

  While catching up on some tv shows I ate 4 drumsticks, 3 thighs, cup of mashed potatoes, and 1/2 cup of coleslaw.  Then I proceeded to eat half the cake , and 1 biscuit.  My stomach was like uh-oh.  I can't believe I was able to down that much.  But I did.  So now I am going sleep.  I have to be with the kids the first 4.5 hours in the morning.  I have to find some way to sneak a candy bar and snacks into the morning for my fat eating.  I am thinking to get up early enough to grab some McDonalds again before having to go there.

So that ends loading Day 1.  The Hardest Day of My Life.  Maybe not but is sure feels like it.

No more HCG

  My bottle ran out this morning and I was contemplating whether I wanted to lose keep doing HCG or if I wanted to go back to the old fashioned way.  I miss working out and going on walks and seeing my body get toned a little.  But I decided "If you want to learn to keep going then you have to finish what you start."  So I headed to the store to get some.  When I got there, they were all out.  Come to find out...they recalled all the HCG with the hormone in it.  NO MORE HCG. 

  Guess that answered my question.  But this has taught me about portion control and not eating too much.  I am more content to just eat a little and save the rest for later.

Round 2 - beware *many food pictures*

Hey guys,
  I am back from Vacation.  If anyone isn't on my facebook, here are some pictures.

 First Day on the Beach.

 Sunset on the beach

 Walking around the famous The Del Coronado Hotel.  I am in love with this island.

 Walking on a Pier in La Jolla.

 Bought a necklace.

 The San Diego Zoo.  I  found a friend wolf.

 Fancy night out we got all dressed up.

My tank top I got from the zoo.  I love it. lol!

   I managed to gain 6 pounds over vacation.  I couldn't help that there was so much food around.  The first day we headed to a very nice brunch place that had tons of good food I wanted to try.

I even had champagne for the first time at that restaurant.  Then, with good intentions I really tried to order healthy stuff at each meal but turns out that it's harder to do portion control than I thought.  So that was my most difficult problem that I will be working on.

 Eating at a mexican restaurant.  I got vegetarian enchiladas.

Eating at a Thai place on Coronado.  I got tofu lettuce wraps.

 Eating eggplant lasagne at Sea World.

 In old Town we ate at a mexican place but can't remember what I ate.

 At our fancy restaurant the first course was Artichoke Salad.

 Then Crab and turnip yummy stuff.

For dessert was a chocolate decadence yummy thing.  I barely remembered to take a picture before I ate it.
Of course I ate more than that on my vacation.  Those were the ones I documented.  Anyway, I have already taken my drops today and I need to go to the store to buy some food.  There isn't much here.  So off I go.