Feeling Good

That is the pills I have been taking for the last 5 days.  I still haven't figured out if it's the Thyroid pills I have been taking or if it's these pills but I love the energy I get.  And being able to focus.  Plus my weight has not been going up every other day.  It has been steadily dropping.  I have been really trying hard on my diet and I didn't get a chance to work out even once last week.  SO BAD.  But I was 253 this morning.  Now I gotta get to bed. Got class in the morning.
  I moved into my new place and it's fun.  Just gotta go get a few things from the old place and also clean it up.  Then I will be done with that.

Love Getting Things to be Healthy

I want that last bit of that picture to be my motto.  I love food and it's crazy how addicted I am to it.  Today I went to Life Source.  I seriously have not been there in ages.  My weight is not dropping. :(  So I decided I better pick up on those expensive supplements I haven't been taking.  I got some thyroid supplements.  They were out of the ones I usually get but I decided to try these others.  There from Dr. Michael Murray.  I might have heard of him...it was only $2 more than the others and I really needed some.  Hope it goes well.  Plus I got some samples it's supposed to help with memory, learning, and mood.  And I really need that so i went for it.

A friend from Delaware told me about these velocity supplements that she takes to help her concentrate when she is tired but has lots of school work.  I have been taking so many naps lately.  I used to be able to not fall asleep at night if I took a nap later than 3pm.  But I have been doing fine and my naps where at 5pm.  I was just too tired to think and there is lots of reading I have to do.  So I am gonna give them a try.  But they don't come with any instructions.  This stuff is supposed to help you get better sleep and more energy.  Plus it helps to reduce appetite!!  That would be great for me.  Sometimes I think I am hungry all day.
  I also got a new fitness magazine today!!  So excited.  While I was at Life Source I picked up some healthy things a salad for dinner.  And because I got a salad I let myself have a dessert.  It's all organic and un-refined sugar.  Not sure what that means exactly.  But it wasn't so sweet that I felt sick.  I only took a few bites and was satisfied.  I have been having such a sweet tooth lately that last night I kept going back to my agave jar and eating a spoonful like I normally do honey.  It was a yummy orange chocolate brownie!!
I am moving this Saturday and I can hardly wait.  I just want to get it over with.  I still have so much to move and put into storage.  I better get some sleep now.  Night folks.  My weight was 254.4 this morning.

Reminiscing

I was reading the first few posts I did at the beginning of the year. Hopefully making myself get rejuvenated.  I rarely posted the actual I weight I was.  I guess I better include that more.  I also noticed I was taking pomegranate  and thyroid supplements more often.  Once I get my loan money I am gonna do that.  I also need to start making my chocolate/coconut oil/banana/spirulina mixture.  I swear that shake helped me drop the pounds.  I didn't weigh myself this morning because I was at work at 5am.  But I will tomorrow morning.  I made some yummy tilapia, brown rice with bearnaise sauce for dinner.  I also took two naps this afternoon/evening in between doing homework.  I got my assignment done and turned in 15 minutes before it was due.  Close call.  I never wanna do that again.  I also realized, too late, that I didn't turn in my discussion due today.  I thought it was due Wednesday.  Oops.  Hopefully my teacher won't be too upset at me.  Since I took a nap I have to take some melatonin.
  Once thing I have been taking is a multidopholis.  It makes good bacteria in your GI tract.  I have a bad digestive and that has been helping me.  I just try not to forget to take it.  Got class tomorrow. Good night.

Just Rambelings

Hello everybody,
  Wow!  I'm posting again in one week.  My life has been pretty crazy with starting school and trying to move but I know it is important to blog for my own sake.
  I have been trying to listen to my body more.  Like figuring out if it's really hungry or if I am just wanting a feel-good.  My ex-roommate left a whole thing of peanut butter icecream in the freezer and the only thing that has kept me from helping myself is because it hasn't been opened yet.  That is so bad.  But atleast I haven't gotten into it.  I have been so tight on money lately.  I can't wait until my school loan comes through.  So i budgeted a shopping list with the $20 I had left for the week.  I got enough food to make a big pot of Yummy Gunky Golash.  With cauliflower, red potatoes, corn, tomatoes etc.  I had two bowls(I know, too much) for dinner and I don't remember feeling this full.  But I have plenty for the next couple of days.  And I can also make some tilpia with rice and broccoli and bearne sauce(which I love!!!), plus I got a thing of organic butternut squash soup and some tuna on some sandwiches.
  A memory keeps popping into my head about my dad.  When he left I went and saw a counselor.  My dad taught us that adultery was wrong.  When we found out he was cheating on my mom we would ask him, Why? He would reply with, "I don't know.  I'm so confused."  We could never get an answer from him and he eventually stopped calling our house because that was all we wanted to talk about.  He kept acting like nothing had changed and he wanted to talk about other stuff.  Finally we told him we didn't want to talk to him anymore and he stopped trying.  Now that I think about it...every time he called we felt in more turmoil than before.  After about 6 months, my counselor suggested I write him a letter about how I felt with everything he had done etc.  I have one sister that kept contact with him, no matter what he said she would always listen to him.  She really fought for that father/daughter relationship.  Well, he told her to tell me, "I don't want to get any more nasty letters from you."  I knew then and there that was a turning point for me.  My father has died, so to speak.  I knew he was a different person than I had known him to be.  He was always kind to me and gave me compliments but until that day I knew even I could not bring that dad back.  So I decided to live my life for me.  I had to start living my life without a dad.  I sure wish it would have gone a different way.
  I have to be at work at 5am tomorrow so I think I better take some melatonin and hit the sack.  Night.

Motivation

Lately I have really been struggling to figure out where my motivation went.  I was so motivated at the beginning of this year.  But since June I have not had much motivation.  I found this link... http://www.embracinghome.com/weight-loss-motivation-tips/  I loved listening to the audio file.  It was so encouraging and I am so ready to make a much better commitment to lose more weight.

Water Fasting

      I did a water fast yesterday, but it only lasted half a day.  But, it made me drop 2 pounds.
I went through a bit of an emotional roller coaster yesterday.  I was doing great and when 3pm hit, I got hungry.  So I ate an apple.  I get home from school and find out my room mates have packed up and are moving out already.  The one room mate owns all the pots and pans so I went to make some mushroom soup(which I haven't had in years) and I have nothing to cook with.  I thought they weren't moving out until the end of the month.  Me and the other room mate went and got a storage unit.  I am living with another family for 3 months and don't have room for everything.  I decided I was going to go to Winco and get some bread, eggs, and milk.  I was gonna stop at the dollar store and get plates and plastic ware etc.  And look for a pot maybe.  I had about 20 bucks until Thursday...very stressful.  But on the way to these stores I go past a burger king.  WOW!  I haven't had that in a long time.  So the emotional roller coaster and stress hit me.  I go through there and get myself a meal...knowing I'm gonna hate myself later but not really caring.
     I'm kind of upset that my room mate would decide to take these things so soon and not even think about me, who has to live here for two more weeks.  She's moving into a house that already has everything she needs.  And now the apartment is all disarray with no couches, no table and the kitchen cupboards are empty and the counters have tons of stuff on it.  There's barely anywhere to walk etc.  So  I went right to my comfort zone.  I did stop at the dollar store and winco to get those things.  I couldn't find a pot but I got a frying pan.  And today I needed more almond butter so I went to Winco again and got some more but I only had two dollars so I went for the peanut butter by the lb instead.
     I am really gonna try to fight this eating emotionally thing and I believe it will help to share things on my blog here instead putting it in food.  I came home from school today and proceeded to make things a little more organized.  I took things off the counters and piled them into an organized pile in the dining area etc.
     I decided to keep a food journal.  I found a blog of a girl who keeps one and got some tips from her.  So I counted up my calories for the day and I am at 1452 at 5pm.  Pretty good I think.  Plus I am trying to keep track of the nutrients I am taking in each day too.  My class has really been giving me a lot of information.  Now I am tired so I might catch an hour of sleep or something.  We'll see.

Up all Night

So it's 3am.  I can't sleep.  So I decided maybe it's time to update a blog.  So here I am.  I also updated my About Me page.  Check it out if you wish.  For the last 3 weeks I have been at a steady 255.  I decided I better update my weight-loss meter on the top and be honest with myself.  I have been EXTREMELY busy with school.  I am glad that I have my conditioning class or I would NEVER be getting to the gym.  I have to try really hard to lose weight lately.
  I am taking a nutrition class where I am learning so much.  It has been helping me to remember to eat smaller portions.  Your body only uses what it needs and stores the rest.  It doesn't keep it handy to use when you get hungry next.  So today I forced myself to only eat the 6 inches of my 5 dollar foot long from subway and to save the rest for later.  Yummy.
  I recently read on a person's blog the struggle she had with her dad and how it made her binge a lot.  I really want to share my story about my experience with my dad.  I just want you to understand that I don't want to put my dad in a bad light.  He has passed away a little over 4 years ago.  You must understand that we never had closer in all our situations.  And I probably am holding some anger/hurt still in my heart for everything he put our family through.  But I AM SO HAPPY HE IS IN HEAVEN.  He is in heaven loving me the way a father really should.
  I came to the conclusion that maybe this is a problem with my weight problem.  I can't pin point it but I know I do a lot of emotional eating.  I don't have money to go to a counselor.  So why not share some of my experiences here?  I'm sure you won't mind.  But please understand I am only venting...I think.
  I will never forget after about 6 months since my dad left I decided to write my dad a letter per my counselor's suggestion.  Only me, one of my sisters and my mom decided to see counselor's when all this was happening.  Anyway, my counselor suggested I write my dad a letter and ask him my questions.  You see, my dad left because he was unfaithful to my mother and he got caught.  I think I might have some hatred towards that.  My little sister is the one who caught him...She was only 12.  How horrible is that?  Anyway, I write him this letter.  Next thing I know I tells my older sister, who remained having contact with him, that he never wants to get a nasty letter from me again.  How wonderful for a father to break a 16 year olds heart.  I decided then and there I wanted nothing to do with him.  He wasn't even grown-up enough to realize a young girls heart was broken.
  He had always taught us that adultery was wrong but every time we asked him for answers his reply was, "I don't know."
  I guess that's all I'll share right now.  It would be nice to have some feedback if anyone wants to share.  not sure if more than four people read this but you know I LOVE comments.
  I hate nights like this when I can't sleep.  I haven't had one in a long time.  I mean like 2 years.  I think it's because I am digging up old feelings etc.  I was doing that the last couple of weeks.  I am also so excited because my only brother(baby of the family) is coming here in the beginning of February.  YAY!  I am using that as a motivation for losing weight.  I want him to be impressed on how well I have done.

Me Likes Fall

Yeah, I really do like fall.  For some reason it has decided to make me more motivated.  I mean in the eating and working-out department.  I have been doing very good these past few days.  Starting at the beginning of this week.  My weight is starting to go back down, yay!!  In the mist of school, work, and packing I am not sure how I am managing to be so good about it.  I am really being conscience of how my calories I am putting into my body and not over-doing it.  I discovered some nutrition bars.  Not any specific kind.  But I hate eating breakfast cause I am never hungry.  So something quick that doesn't have more than 230 calories is a nutrition bar for 99 cents at work.  I totally forget the name of it but it has the least ingredients and no high-fructose corn syrup!  So I go with that one.  And then I try to keep my snacks small.  I joined a conditioning class at school.  It's one where I can go work out whenever I want so long as I am there for 40 minutes.  So that's my small update.  Gotta get back to life.