Just Rambelings

Hello everybody,
  Wow!  I'm posting again in one week.  My life has been pretty crazy with starting school and trying to move but I know it is important to blog for my own sake.
  I have been trying to listen to my body more.  Like figuring out if it's really hungry or if I am just wanting a feel-good.  My ex-roommate left a whole thing of peanut butter icecream in the freezer and the only thing that has kept me from helping myself is because it hasn't been opened yet.  That is so bad.  But atleast I haven't gotten into it.  I have been so tight on money lately.  I can't wait until my school loan comes through.  So i budgeted a shopping list with the $20 I had left for the week.  I got enough food to make a big pot of Yummy Gunky Golash.  With cauliflower, red potatoes, corn, tomatoes etc.  I had two bowls(I know, too much) for dinner and I don't remember feeling this full.  But I have plenty for the next couple of days.  And I can also make some tilpia with rice and broccoli and bearne sauce(which I love!!!), plus I got a thing of organic butternut squash soup and some tuna on some sandwiches.
  A memory keeps popping into my head about my dad.  When he left I went and saw a counselor.  My dad taught us that adultery was wrong.  When we found out he was cheating on my mom we would ask him, Why? He would reply with, "I don't know.  I'm so confused."  We could never get an answer from him and he eventually stopped calling our house because that was all we wanted to talk about.  He kept acting like nothing had changed and he wanted to talk about other stuff.  Finally we told him we didn't want to talk to him anymore and he stopped trying.  Now that I think about it...every time he called we felt in more turmoil than before.  After about 6 months, my counselor suggested I write him a letter about how I felt with everything he had done etc.  I have one sister that kept contact with him, no matter what he said she would always listen to him.  She really fought for that father/daughter relationship.  Well, he told her to tell me, "I don't want to get any more nasty letters from you."  I knew then and there that was a turning point for me.  My father has died, so to speak.  I knew he was a different person than I had known him to be.  He was always kind to me and gave me compliments but until that day I knew even I could not bring that dad back.  So I decided to live my life for me.  I had to start living my life without a dad.  I sure wish it would have gone a different way.
  I have to be at work at 5am tomorrow so I think I better take some melatonin and hit the sack.  Night.