Motivation

Lately I have really been struggling to figure out where my motivation went.  I was so motivated at the beginning of this year.  But since June I have not had much motivation.  I found this link... http://www.embracinghome.com/weight-loss-motivation-tips/  I loved listening to the audio file.  It was so encouraging and I am so ready to make a much better commitment to lose more weight.

Water Fasting

      I did a water fast yesterday, but it only lasted half a day.  But, it made me drop 2 pounds.
I went through a bit of an emotional roller coaster yesterday.  I was doing great and when 3pm hit, I got hungry.  So I ate an apple.  I get home from school and find out my room mates have packed up and are moving out already.  The one room mate owns all the pots and pans so I went to make some mushroom soup(which I haven't had in years) and I have nothing to cook with.  I thought they weren't moving out until the end of the month.  Me and the other room mate went and got a storage unit.  I am living with another family for 3 months and don't have room for everything.  I decided I was going to go to Winco and get some bread, eggs, and milk.  I was gonna stop at the dollar store and get plates and plastic ware etc.  And look for a pot maybe.  I had about 20 bucks until Thursday...very stressful.  But on the way to these stores I go past a burger king.  WOW!  I haven't had that in a long time.  So the emotional roller coaster and stress hit me.  I go through there and get myself a meal...knowing I'm gonna hate myself later but not really caring.
     I'm kind of upset that my room mate would decide to take these things so soon and not even think about me, who has to live here for two more weeks.  She's moving into a house that already has everything she needs.  And now the apartment is all disarray with no couches, no table and the kitchen cupboards are empty and the counters have tons of stuff on it.  There's barely anywhere to walk etc.  So  I went right to my comfort zone.  I did stop at the dollar store and winco to get those things.  I couldn't find a pot but I got a frying pan.  And today I needed more almond butter so I went to Winco again and got some more but I only had two dollars so I went for the peanut butter by the lb instead.
     I am really gonna try to fight this eating emotionally thing and I believe it will help to share things on my blog here instead putting it in food.  I came home from school today and proceeded to make things a little more organized.  I took things off the counters and piled them into an organized pile in the dining area etc.
     I decided to keep a food journal.  I found a blog of a girl who keeps one and got some tips from her.  So I counted up my calories for the day and I am at 1452 at 5pm.  Pretty good I think.  Plus I am trying to keep track of the nutrients I am taking in each day too.  My class has really been giving me a lot of information.  Now I am tired so I might catch an hour of sleep or something.  We'll see.

Up all Night

So it's 3am.  I can't sleep.  So I decided maybe it's time to update a blog.  So here I am.  I also updated my About Me page.  Check it out if you wish.  For the last 3 weeks I have been at a steady 255.  I decided I better update my weight-loss meter on the top and be honest with myself.  I have been EXTREMELY busy with school.  I am glad that I have my conditioning class or I would NEVER be getting to the gym.  I have to try really hard to lose weight lately.
  I am taking a nutrition class where I am learning so much.  It has been helping me to remember to eat smaller portions.  Your body only uses what it needs and stores the rest.  It doesn't keep it handy to use when you get hungry next.  So today I forced myself to only eat the 6 inches of my 5 dollar foot long from subway and to save the rest for later.  Yummy.
  I recently read on a person's blog the struggle she had with her dad and how it made her binge a lot.  I really want to share my story about my experience with my dad.  I just want you to understand that I don't want to put my dad in a bad light.  He has passed away a little over 4 years ago.  You must understand that we never had closer in all our situations.  And I probably am holding some anger/hurt still in my heart for everything he put our family through.  But I AM SO HAPPY HE IS IN HEAVEN.  He is in heaven loving me the way a father really should.
  I came to the conclusion that maybe this is a problem with my weight problem.  I can't pin point it but I know I do a lot of emotional eating.  I don't have money to go to a counselor.  So why not share some of my experiences here?  I'm sure you won't mind.  But please understand I am only venting...I think.
  I will never forget after about 6 months since my dad left I decided to write my dad a letter per my counselor's suggestion.  Only me, one of my sisters and my mom decided to see counselor's when all this was happening.  Anyway, my counselor suggested I write my dad a letter and ask him my questions.  You see, my dad left because he was unfaithful to my mother and he got caught.  I think I might have some hatred towards that.  My little sister is the one who caught him...She was only 12.  How horrible is that?  Anyway, I write him this letter.  Next thing I know I tells my older sister, who remained having contact with him, that he never wants to get a nasty letter from me again.  How wonderful for a father to break a 16 year olds heart.  I decided then and there I wanted nothing to do with him.  He wasn't even grown-up enough to realize a young girls heart was broken.
  He had always taught us that adultery was wrong but every time we asked him for answers his reply was, "I don't know."
  I guess that's all I'll share right now.  It would be nice to have some feedback if anyone wants to share.  not sure if more than four people read this but you know I LOVE comments.
  I hate nights like this when I can't sleep.  I haven't had one in a long time.  I mean like 2 years.  I think it's because I am digging up old feelings etc.  I was doing that the last couple of weeks.  I am also so excited because my only brother(baby of the family) is coming here in the beginning of February.  YAY!  I am using that as a motivation for losing weight.  I want him to be impressed on how well I have done.

Me Likes Fall

Yeah, I really do like fall.  For some reason it has decided to make me more motivated.  I mean in the eating and working-out department.  I have been doing very good these past few days.  Starting at the beginning of this week.  My weight is starting to go back down, yay!!  In the mist of school, work, and packing I am not sure how I am managing to be so good about it.  I am really being conscience of how my calories I am putting into my body and not over-doing it.  I discovered some nutrition bars.  Not any specific kind.  But I hate eating breakfast cause I am never hungry.  So something quick that doesn't have more than 230 calories is a nutrition bar for 99 cents at work.  I totally forget the name of it but it has the least ingredients and no high-fructose corn syrup!  So I go with that one.  And then I try to keep my snacks small.  I joined a conditioning class at school.  It's one where I can go work out whenever I want so long as I am there for 40 minutes.  So that's my small update.  Gotta get back to life.