Confessing

So, I hit day 7 of Raw eating and "all hell broke loose".  So to speak.  I suddenly realized that every time I took a bit of something it was disgusting.  I would take a bit of this and a bite of that.  Nothing was satisfying.  I wanted flavor and warmth.  So I went crazy.  It's like I didn't care anymore.  I bought candy bars and ate a slice a pizza someone offered me.  Then I got some smoked sausages, I know it's meat.  But it was so good!!!!!  Although I didn't feel so good afterwards.  It's like my body was tired of eating mostly fruit(because I was) that I was craving salt.  I am more of a salty eating type person.  I love salty things but it seemed like everything I was making was sweet.  My body was like-ENOUGH!  We want salt!
  But I have been eating like that, not the meat, for the last 5 days. I weighed myself this morning and I don't even wanna mention how much weight I have gained.  I even had donuts yesterday morning for breakfast.  My boss came into the break room and caught me...She says, "be careful, you gonna loose everything you worked for."  From then on I had to make a decision.  This was only gonna be a faze.  I am gonna get this out of my system and then I am getting back on the bandwagon.  I realized eating this way(bad food) has done no wonders for my depression.  I have been getting so depressed and I think it's because of the food.  I just get extremely sad and worthless feeling.  Like nothing in life matters and I just realize I don't care about anything.  I wanna bury myself into a hole and not come out.  I hate feeling this way because life seems hopeless.  Plus I have been getting some major pimples on my chin...
  So today, I had to work at 4am.  I had made steamed broccoli last night and ate the rest of that with some vita tops I found.  They were only in 100 calories each.  I am trying to be conscience of calories in versus calories out.  When I got home from work I was so tired.  I was scared I was gonna fall asleep on the drive home.  But I slept from 11am to 5:20pm.WOW!  I was hoping to be up about 2pm but my body really needed this.  So I just ate dinner.  I made egg whites with chives and garlic salt.  And then I made myself my favorite smoothie - chocolate almond milk, bananas, coconut oil and a little bit of wheat grass.  And I am stuffed.  Now I am gonna get ready to go to Netta's for our evening walk.  Here's to getting back on track.  Thanks for asking about my blog Sherah, it made me wanna stop eating bad even more.  The only reason I didn't go eat a whole bag of chips on the table was because I knew people were watching me...I was so hungry last night.